“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”– Oscar Wilde
Or in this case, you probably will have a hard time understanding the logic hiding within these intelligently framed lines…but when you do, you’ll also end up finding an intelligent joke. But remember, the requirement to understand these difficult jokes is that you have to have a certain degree of smartness in you. But if the idea of humour is mainly ‘balls’ for you, it is going to be a tough ride, unless of course you are an all-rounder of a joke-cracker.
1. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
2. A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
3. Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac. Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
4. You blew up your chemistry experiment? It’s OK, oxidants happen.
5. Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.
6. What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.
7. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None: the light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution
8. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.
9. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now.
10. A man is talking to God. “God, how long is a million years?”
God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
“God, how much is a million dollars?”
“To me, it’s a penny.”
“God, may I have a penny?”
“Wait a minute.”
11. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?”
The German replies, “Nein, just one.”
Hint: “Drei”, pronounced “Dry” is German for “three”. “Nein”, pronounced nine is German for “No”.
12. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
13. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”
14. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
Hint: The joke explains the definition of surrealism.
15. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
Hint: A murder is a collective noun for a group of crows. Technically, a murder is used to refer to three crows.
16. How many programmers does it take to change a light-bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.
17. Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
“A Marxist utopia doesn’t have people divided into different classes”.
18. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?