We’ve all done it for one reason or another. It’s either been a rebound, a physical attraction or a really bad decision. But no matter what the reason, it happened and you can’t take it back. In some cases it teaches you something and in some, it leaves you reaching out for something you can’t have.
But it always leaves a mark…
1. If the cap fits!
He wasn’t a friend or even an acquaintance to be honest, he was just a guy. We’d memorized the moves to Thriller a little too well and I saw my routine being mirrored from all the way across the room. I had to check him out myself. His overturned cap is what caught my attention. I mean, who wears something so abysmal in 2015?
I look at the stupid patterns on the cap lying in a box and I can’t help feeling dazed.
The same feeling I had when he turned around and spotted me. I wish I could say it was love, or even a romance, but it was the knee jerk reaction you get when you find a very tall, very strong man smiling at you with all his pearly white teeth: lust.
I remember how awkward it was, how good it was and how completely devoid it was of any emotion. But he stayed over, him and his cap. In the morning he told me that he was posted at the border and it was time for him to leave.
He held my hand and kissed it.
Today, when I look at the cap, I don’t see the awkward sex or the sloppy night, I see myself standing next to an army officer who asked me out on a date, the first thing when he came back. He tightened his shiny cap and marched out.
But 13 months later, he didn’t turn up but his cap, along with a box of his other belongings, found it’s way back to my son’s closet. He loves it! I don’t think he gets fashion at 4 months, but I’m guessing he’s just like his dad. He’ll take time.
2. Messaging your present
I typed in his username and password on Facebook. It seemed so familiar, even though it had been a while since I’d used it. In fact the first time I logged in was when he gave it to me. It was all very PG- 13, in fact it sort of was an ode to me.
His chats were filled with him telling his friends about me.
One said, ‘You have no idea how amazing she is, I met her at Monish’s party and since then I haven’t been able to get her out of my head’.
Another said, ‘We’ve been hooking up, on and off for a week and I’m terrified of letting her go back to uni, what if she finds someone better?’
Third said, ‘She was at the airport and I couldn’t let this just be a hook-up in my life, so I asked her out, we’ll figure it out.
It wasn’t working, which is the story of every long distance relationship ever. I asked him to change his password, I asked him to block me, but he did no such thing. So I was intrigued to see what was going on in his life.
Today I’m staring at my screen in disbelief.
One message said, ‘I love you so much, I don’t like her like that, I’m just with her as a favour’.
Another said, ‘I think your hymen broke, yaayy! You’re officially my first’.
And the last one said, ‘Yeah, she meant nothing to me, I left her, so I could be with you for good’.
The guy who made me believe that a fling could be much more, also made me believe that love is just a 4-letter-word.
3. Soul-bound
She was the girl who I turned to when I needed a friend, the girl who made me see a little bit of light after a really dark break up. She was the only one who chose to be with me, when she could have done something better with her time. Whether it was bitching about my boss or whining about my mom, she was the one I’d go to.
So naturally when I got drunk, I went to her to seek comfort.
It might not have been one of my best ideas, or my brightest ideas, only that, it’s probably 5 years too late to think about that over potato wedges. It was her spunky red hair, or maybe it was her beautiful eyes, but I couldn’t not have my hands all over her. It lasted as long as good things last, a spur of a moment.
I didn’t call her, I didn’t message her and I didn’t even meet her, because I was so embarrassed.
She tried though, she really did, but I was sinking in another kind of depression. But those days seem brighter than me sitting on this table, seeing her red hair sashaying around her Fiancé, while she serves him those goddamn potatoes.
I wasn’t her soulmate, but in the process I lost my soul sister.
Hooking up might seem cool, but dig deeper, there is always something bigger at play.Â