Here’s A Brutally Honest Job Interview.

How many times have we spewed crap in the interviews trying to please the interviewer?

Interviewer – “What’s your dream job?”

You – “To land a good job at your esteemed company, sir!”

Have we ever thought about this? How we try to butter up the interviewer, trying to impress him. How we try to come up with smart answers to the ridiculous questions we face.

Have we thought how the interviewer must feel when he is listening to you speaking? Is he astute enough to understand the things you are omitting?

Wouldn’t the interviews be awesome if everyone just got completely and utterly honest? How would such an interview turn out to be?

Interviewer – “Come on in, I am not sorry to keep you waiting for the last hour”

Interviewee – “Nah, it’s ok. I was playing Clash Of Clans anyway. Good way to kill time.”

Interviewer – “Oh, I was watching porn. Interviews are boring.”

Interviewee – “Should I sit here? I want to sit here, and I hate asking for permissions”

Interviewer – “You should ask for my permission! How the hell am I going to feel important otherwise?”

Interviewee – “OK! Jeez! Can I sit here?”

Interviewer – “IDGAF man, sit wherever you want to.”

*Both the Interviewee and the Interviewer get comfortable in their respective seats. Interviewer closes the browser with porn on it.*

Interviewer – “I will start with the shittiest questions of them all. I have asked this question more than I have masturbated in my life”

Interviewee – “Lemme guess – “Tell me about yourself!“”

Interviewer – “Exactly!”

 

*High five!*

Interviewer – “So, yeah, tell me about yourself.”

Interviewee – “I like dogs and watching TV late at night and I believe in ghosts. They are definitely real. Also, I am an atheist.”

Interviewer – “Cool. Why do you want to work for us?”

Interviewee – “I need a job, man. And your company is closer to my house.”

Interviewer – “What’s your dream job? I am sorry, but the questions just get shittier and shittier.”

Interviewee – “No problem. My dream job would be the chief editor for the Playboy magazine, or a video game tester, or a food critic.”

Interviewer – “What’s your greatest strength?”

Interviewee – “I can work while eating”

 

*NICE!* *fist bump*

Interviewer – “What’s your greatest weakness?”

Interviewee – “Mainly, the scrotal area. Nuts. Yeah, been kicked down there a few times. It’s brutal.”

 

*I feel you bro feels*

Interviewer – “What kind of people do you find difficult to work with?”

Interviewee – “Assholes. Definitely assholes.”

Interviewer – “Why did you leave your previous job?”

Interviewee – “My boss was a dick, they paid me like shit, work was boring, and I had an affair with a colleague that failed and it got awkward.”

Interviewer – “Ok, I am almost done. Do you have any questions for me?”

Interviewee – “Uhhh, yeah! Who’s that hottie in that picture on your desk?”

Interviewer – “That’s my daughter.”

Interviewee – “How the fuck did an ugly fuck like you make a hottie like that?!”

Interviewer – “Hot wifey.”

 

*Respect!*

Interviewee – “So, did I get the job?”

Interviewer – “No! Why the fuck would I employ a loser like you?! You are horrible!”

Interviewee – “No matter. I got three more interviews lined up for today.”

Interviewer – “Really?”

Interviewee – “Uh, no. I am pretty much fucked, so I will go home and get drunk.”

Interviewer – What a coincidence! That’s what I am going to do tonight too!”

 

*Coincidence high five feelz!*

Interviewer – “Ok, now fuck off, and tell the next guy to wait, I have some more new porn to catch up on. And if it’s a girl send her right in.”

Interviewee – “You son of a bitch.”

Do you have any funny job interview stories where you became uncomfortably truthful? Share it with us in the comments.

Cover image source