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People Of Assam Should Stop Whining About Their Flood

byStorypickers
3rd July 2017
3 minute read

Have you ever been to Assam?

Surprisingly, it’s fairly simple to travel there from India; you don’t even need a visa or passport. It’s pretty cool that way.

The place is green and all, rhinos and shit, tea and fish. Yeah, momos too. It’s a good place to visit once in a life, that way.

I don’t judge people, but hate to confess that I can’t stand the people of Assam. And here’s why: they are cry babies.

They whine.

They crib.

And they want attention from mainstream people of India.

Sample this:

There are 1.3-freaking-billion people in India. Last year, in 2016, only…let me repeat…ONLY 28 people were reported dead in the Assam floods. Who cares 1.8 million people were affected by it or not! But the bottom line is only 28 lost their lives, am I wrong?

And guess what, they were asking for relief funds. Crying out loud for not discussing their ‘pity’ on national TV.

 

This year, they are at it again. Only 498 villages are under water at present. Duh.

And listen to this fun fact: 8,000 hectares of crop area is damaged.

Ok, on a serious note, even if we believe these stats, 8,000 hectares of crop is damaged. So what? Don’t you have KFCs in Assam?

KFC se yaad aya…there was a hullabaloo about a KFC employee in Guwahati being electrocuted when he was returning home wading through knee-deep water.

Three more reported dead.

 

They are a delusional lot. No wonder they are called ‘khaar khua Axomiya‘. Why am I accusing a whole community of being lousy? Here’s why:

Year after year, they have been complaining about the flood situation to the Congress govt. and now the BJP govt. What do they get in return? A new manifesto. New promises. (As if people in mainland India get any different) And flood funds.

Funds shrink as they exchange hands. The syndicates make money off each flood. And get richer by the year.

Repeat.

 

So just because you now have access to the internet & social media, you guys want the same treatment like Mumbai and Delhi? Delusional much? Get a grip on reality dangoria.

Also, we Indians have real problems to solve, real issues to tackle. E.g. how the hell Pahlaj Nihalani block the word ‘intercourse’? Who’ll solve the mystery? The man doesn’t speak. Will you Assamese people solve it? How will Harry meet Sejal then?

So stop cribbing and take my ‘GST free’ solution:

Stay indoors.

Yes.

If you’ve water inside your house, go to your relatives’ place and have momos.

Also, don’t you guys stay in tree-houses anyway? Then I don’t get why all this fuss about the flood. Consider yourself lucky to have your own house near a water body. Moreover, now you’ve got your own infinity pools. You can’t even imagine the cost of renting a flat near the beach in Mumbai. Forget about Worli, even Versova is costly.

Do you guys have TVs? If yes, didn’t you notice Modiji wearing a gamucha while doing Yoga during International Yoga Day celebrations? He cares about you. The gamucha was a subtle hint to Assamese people to start doing yoga on the top of their half-submerged huts. That way, you can stay dry and healthy.

Trust me, Assamese brothers and sisters, Listen to Bhupen Hazarika’s songs and be happy. Now sing with me, “Ami axomiya..nohou duhkiya…” (We Assamese people, won’t be poor…)

Stay consoled. Stay content.
Haven’t you heard of Steve Jobs’ famous saying, “Stay hungry, stay foolish.”

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